I don't know who to talk to..

Assalamualaikum..

Ezza, I need you badly Ezza.. before I kill myself, I want to talk to you..


Do you remember how much I told you that I really love Taufik? well I still do, in fact, I think I love him too much. Don't get me wrong, I feel happy with him, I want to be with him but sometimes, I can't fool myself. Ezza, yesterday someone made a confession that he love me. anonymously. He didn't tell me who he is but I have a strong feeling that I knew him. He's being too sweet and nice and said "I'll wait for you Asmira, again". Obviously I let him down in the past. I told him to just forget about me and move on because I have a boyfriend and I love him so much.

And he said,

"You're adorable. You are worth a shot to wait for. I'll just give a fighting chance that I will wait for you. Waiting for an opportunity isn't bad at all"

Ezza, this anonymous guy right here, has touch my broken heart. No one had ever say that to me. Ezza, I love Taufik so much I can't imagine myself being without him. But sometimes it tear me apart how Taufik treated me. I need my boyfriend. I need to hear that he loves me. I need to know that he needs me as much as I need him. But it doesn't seem to be that way. Most of the time I was being too careful, I was being too caring, I was being too sweet to him and I got nothing back in return. I know he might not know how to show his gratitude or love towards me but this is killing me Ezza..

He wants me to be like him, he wants me to listen to him, to obey him. We are not even married but I feel this greatest 'pendam perasaan' I ever had. I love him so much Ezza but I can't feel the love from him. Someone, out there is waiting for me, wanting to pore his love to me but I rejected him because I am in love with this kampung guy that do not know how to appreciate me. but I love him so much and I really wish that he knew how much sacrifices of feelings I have made.

I try not to think about him but I can't. I love him Ezza. This stupid heart of mine fall hard for him.

I really wish you are here. I wanna hug you. I wanna cry on your shoulder Ezza. I need you, badly..

Love,
Your best pal.