Sunday, September 23, 2012

What really happened last year..


Readers sekalian, kalau anda follower blog ni dari mula, korang perasan URL dah bertukar. Selain tu, semua post sebanyak 70 lebih dah di remove. Ada suatu masa last year, aku dapat email, messages yang bertanyakan, kenapa sa susunod di private kan. so, here is why..

Well actually, I don't feel safe typing this. There are some people nearby whose been tracking and stalking me. I received a call this morning. Not a happy one. Lets just say, the same thing is happening again. I don't cherish being stalk. Especially when they make their moves. Last year was bad enough, I had to leave everything. Leave the people that I loved. Moved on. It's not easy. Behind this smile and laughter, a deep scar is buried inside.

There is this one bad thing keeps happening to me. People often feel I am a threat. Ever since I was in school, I get letters. "surat layang". Its always says the same, "keep yourself away from my boy". Once in college, I get a Facebook message asking me to stay away from her brother. I'm telling you, Its not cool at all. 

Last year the same thing happened except the message was not been given to me directly. People have their own way to scare you. Don't ask me what they did. It tear me apart every time I flashback. That's why I deactivate everything last year. 

So far, none confront me. They used technologies. 

Sometimes friends have the guts to ask, "you've change. what happened?" I'll just smile and say "I've grown up". 

You see, sometimes I keep everything to myself because I have problem trusting people lately. But I will still try to smile. Sometimes sarcastic words are thrown to me and even if I laugh, deep down, tears are shed. I keep telling people that they don't know me, but they thought they do. Not one person in this world, really knew me. Not a single living soul. *Sorry besties, I've been keeping too many things inside*

They say the best thing is to talk to friends. How should I know? None of them were really there for me. They are only doing their obligation as a friend.  *No hard feelings to those who does care* 

I used to have a best friend that listen to my problems. Then suddenly, all we knew was that we actually love each other and that destroyed everything after 5 years. I still love him though, despite what happened. 

I had enough of strangers calling me, asking questions, telling me things I already knew. Saying things like "you should know better before you get involve" The heck! Sometimes I don't even understand what these people are talking about!

That is also one of the reason I'm working and doing a part-time degree. To fresh start everything. I thought I was clean. But a call this morning send shivers to my spine. I guess trouble is with me forever. 

Do me a favor will ya? Don't act like you care. Coz I don't even care about myself anymore

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